I have had a lot going on over the last year. For many reasons I have not let what was going on in my heart come out openly on this blog. Sometimes, it because I have not been in front of the keyboard with enough time to go deep. Sometimes, it’s because I didn’t want to express my vulnerability. And sometimes, it’s because I know my mother reads this and I don’t want her to worry too much.
Whatever the ‘reason’ for holding things so close to the vest is, I feel certain that those of you that have been long time readers could feel a certain amount of distance in the posts.
This weekend I finally had some time at the keyboard and some time for my mind to think. I also have discovered a new ‘favorite’ band, and most of you long time readers know that I get a lot of inspiration from music – which probably explains my choice of wife and the life of my kids a bit!
Anyway, I uncovered a group called ‘All Sons and Daughter‘ this weekend and have fallen in love with a few of their songs and their lyrics. I found myself fixated on this particular verse, especially since my mind continues to whisper these same thoughts to me this weekend as it has so many times over the last several months.
Yes, that’s pretty raw. This song has captured the intense feelings of frustration and doubt that have built up inside of me over the last year. Feelings that I dare not express, but battle with all day long. Maybe not unlike yourself.
I struggle with even mentioning this, because in comparison to many other people, my problem are extremely minuscule and small. As you know that doesn’t also make it any easier. However, it does help me limit the amount of time I wallow in self-pity. Actually, I think the comparison only makes me more frustrated, as if I can’t have problems if they are not huge.
The song is Reason to Sing, and as it continues it once again captures the path my mind and heart quickly travel when I recognize the trap of self-pity and climb out of the depths of frustration and doubt. It’s not the comparison factor, but the realization that there is so much more going on here then I can even imagine.
He is in control and holds the hold world in his hands. And that’s the reason that I sing. The reason I keep singing, the reason I keep waiting, hoping, growing my faith day by day, knowing that everything is going just as he has planned and his purpose will be achieved. If I could only keep my self there all day long…..
New International Version (NIV)
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.